For many people growing up in urban and metropolitan families in India, there was a time when forgetting to remind your father to bring chart paper or a political map of India meant a sleepless night of fear. This realization would occur around 11 pm – too late of course – followed by what was certain to be the morning would bring: anger, scoldings and a silent walk to school. If your mother caught you hiding a test paper, you would run to save your life as soon as you heard your father’s scooting approach, you would instantly transform into an Oscar-worthy artist who would rapidly finish the notebook, or you would feel a familiar knot in your stomach before the parent-teacher meeting – a place where the dreaded comment would flash back across the table: “Sir, madam, your daughter/son is very talkative.”A casual greeting of a classmate at the market can be just as irritating, inviting raised eyebrows and quiet questions at home later. For those who were not allowed to use mobile phones before class 12 boards, messages were secretly typed on the keypad phone, with the beep turned off so that it could not be heard – sending elephant jokes or whispered secrets to friends like a thief.These memories are largely rooted in urban, middle-class childhoods—shaped by nuclear families, school-centered lives, and early exposure to rules, routines, and discipline within the home. Parenting experiences are not uniform across India, but the shift from authority to communication is most visible today in these urban areas.Today, phones are so firmly glued to hands that parents often make noise in the background, their presence acknowledged only when they call you for dinner or scold you for missing work – an ironic reversal from the days when children would walk away quietly to avoid detection. And there were always two food options on the dinner table: one, eat green vegetables made by mother; Or two, no.Today the same circumstances are unfolding in a very different manner. A child might suggest a 10-minute delivery app, and a parent might laugh instead of scold. Friends are no longer viewed with suspicion but are accepted as a natural part of growing up. Parent-child dynamics have evolved significantly, from parents with unquestioning authority – strict, overprotective, and rule-bound – to parents who attempt to balance discipline with communication.Where once there was unspoken friction between parent and child, certain music, movies or subjects were strictly off limits. Today, children often reassure their parents that such things are “no big deal”, reflecting a more open, conciliatory space where conversation has replaced tacit compliance.There exists a generation that has largely followed and adhered to a route map carefully drawn up by their parents. The other listens, responds, and sometimes even rebels – demanding understanding, not just permission. Tech-savvy and exposed to the world much earlier than children, today’s youth often look beyond their age, emphasize their individual needs, and understand their limitations with remarkable clarity. It is within this generational change that parenting styles diverge and relationships are reshaped.After all, parenthood is not for the faint of heart.It involves nurturing, teaching, understanding, and ultimately befriending a human being – a person who can sometimes be stubborn, questioning, and who eventually becomes a person of his or her own.Parenting is an ordeal that most people are never fully prepared for, it is a daily ordeal ruled by an endless list of do’s and don’ts and dilemmas. This development is not a judgment on any generation of parents; Most people only want the best for their children, often even what they could not achieve themselves – not to burden them, but to prepare them for the world.In short, parenting can be seen as an interaction of fear, affection, aspiration and trust. It’s about guiding a human being through the unknown while learning to let go, adapting as the child grows, and discovering that yesterday’s rules may no longer apply to today’s realities. The transition from strict discipline to communication, from unquestioning authority to mutual respect reflects not only changes in households, but also the way we imagine childhood, the transition to adulthood, and the delicate dance in between.
Parents reflect: from authority to helpful guidance
Parenting today has evolved significantly from the rigid, authority-driven approach of the past. The parents we spoke to shared nuanced thoughts on balancing discipline, guidance, and modern realities while emphasizing the importance of empathy, communication, and trust.One mother described how she navigates the realities of technology with her 15-year-old daughter: “Although I remind her to study, I can’t ignore that phones have become a part of life. I try to balance this by not only allowing social media but also allowing my kids to be tagged in the reels I share. “What could be a distraction becomes a way to connect with them.”Another parent highlighted the risks of overly strict discipline: “If we are too firm, our children may rely on outsiders before they come to us. We must first share with them.” Similarly, patience and empathy were emphasized by another parent: “We try to handle differences peacefully. “Anger often makes children feel feared rather than respected, but bad behavior still needs attention.”Today parents give more priority to guidance and understanding rather than harsh enforcement. One parent reflected on how approaches to parenting have changed over the generations:“In the past, parents were strict, and children dealt with that strictness. Today, children prefer supportive guidance and warm communication. They enjoy interactive learning through activities. Children learn quickly and need parental involvement. I focus on love, care, empathy and independence when needed, balancing affection with healthy development.Another parent raising three children, including a Class 10 student, shared how she balances guidance and independence:“We deliberately try not to be as authoritarian and strict as our parents were. Instead, we try to provide our child with a safe and comfortable space. In the past, parenting focused on strictness and consequences, while emotional support was often ignored. Today, communication matters more.”He said that friendship is desirable in parenting, but balance is important:“Friendship is important, but it must be balanced with firmness. We listen and allow our children to share freely, but the rules are also made clear. Boundaries help children feel supported while learning responsibility.Reflecting on her own parenting, one parent said that fear-based discipline often leads to secrecy rather than responsibility. “My response to my son’s mistakes has always been a hug, followed by a calm discussion. If children see their parents as a safe place, they are more willing to trust.”
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Hari Shankar Soni, a media teacher and father of two daughters, emphasized how parenting should adapt to modern realities: “I once had to face strict discipline from my father. But, I never raised my hand on my children; I can’t even imagine doing this to my kids. I don’t believe punishment works for this generation. “I want to be a friend, not an authority figure they fear.”
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children’s perspective
To understand parenting from a child’s perspective, we spoke to students of different age groups. Their voices explain how guidance, boundaries, and emotional support work every day.Rubal, a Class 10 student in Delhi, shared: “My parents usually listen to my opinions, even if they don’t completely agree. They support me when I make mistakes. I wish they would trust me more on issues like career and mobile usage and understand that mistakes are part of growing up.An 11th grade student expressed similar sentiments: “My parents are supportive and provide solutions, but we have differences of opinion on issues like marriage. They value security, while I think differently. I wish they understood my personality better.”A Class 6 student said: “My opinions are considered, and my parents explain things calmly. But sometimes I feel distant when they are strict about friends or social media.A Class 9 student said: “I enjoy the fun banter with my parents, but sometimes comparisons with others bother me. I try to express this.”Together, these voices show that children today want understanding without absence, freedom without neglect, and boundaries without fear.
Teachers’ Insights: Classroom Mirror
Seema Kundra, a teacher with over 25 years of experience, says classrooms today reflect changing parenting styles, especially post-Covid. “Many parents talk to teachers without thinking, believing that their authority is absolute. This attitude is reflected in children, who are far more negligent with teachers.”
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Excessive screen time has exacerbated the gap, he said. “Parents sometimes criticize teachers in front of children, which undermines authority. Compared with five years ago, parent involvement has decreased.”
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Palak Sharma, a young teacher, said the contrast is “worlds apart”. “Parents are present, but often temporary due to work. Discipline and emotional support are imposed on teachers.”While endorsing gentle parenting, he cautioned against misinterpretation. “Gentle parenting has become an excuse to avoid discipline. Children need freedom as well as guidance and boundaries.”Gauri Chandana Budhiraja said that while parents are more engaged, “this sometimes turns into overprotection and pressure.” Feedback that used to be taken for granted is now often discussed, he said.
from a psychiatrist’s perspective
Dr Rajeev Mehta, Vice President (Psychiatry), Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, stressed that the emotional environment of the home plays an important role.“Excessive interference, hostility, and constant criticism create a harmful cycle. Parents pass on anxiety to children, who then struggle emotionally.”He added: “Today’s helicopter parenting limits children’s freedom. “Earlier generations had more freedom to explore.”
Parenting Styles Explained: Where Families Stand Today
Psychologists commonly classify parenting into four styles, first outlined by Diana Baumrind and later expanded by Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin:• Authoritarian: high control, low heat• Permissible: high heat, low composition• Authoritative: balanced boundaries and emotional support• Neglectful: little feedback and guidance
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What is emerging today is a move away from rigid authoritarianism. Most families attempt authoritative parenting, although many struggle to find a balance between technology, time constraints, and increasing anxiety.
Raising children in a changed world
Parenting is never the same for everyone. Styles evolve with social realities, work pressures, culture and mental health. Power has softened into communication, fear into conversation and silence into openness. Yet closeness without boundaries can be as unstable as discipline without empathy.Children today are more aware and expressive, but they also face immense emotional pressure. Meanwhile, parents are torn between wanting to do better than the generation before them and fearing that they are doing too much or too little.
