Most of the time, it is easy to recognize that a partner is cheating. Miley Cyrus sings on Muddy Foot, “You smell like the perfume I didn’t buy”. Whitney Houston’s ‘It’s Not Right But It’s OK’ uses a credit card receipt to expose her girlfriend: “If six of you went out / Four of you were really cheap / ‘Cause only two of you had dinner”. Shaggy’s ‘It Wasn’t Me’, 26 years later, outlines virtually all the places in the house where he was caught “crawling with the girl next door”.
Now, it is possible to “look but never touch” as an OF customer. It’s easy to anonymously swipe 25 Bumble profiles in one night. There are polycules, throuples, emotional affairs, long-term booty calls and situationships. Cheating isn’t about bodies, it’s about feelings. In that gray area are “just texting”, “just memes”, “just a fire emoji, don’t read into it”. The real question is not who cheated, the real question is whether it even counted?
Let’s hear from the experts to determine whether or not it happened. Comedian Kenny Sebastian’s new show, Tempo Tantrums, satirizes marriage and therapy. Comedian Knez Surka’s special, Foreign Return, explores love and identity across different cultures. They are keeping an eye on where the line is drawn in 2026 and who is crossing it. Warning: This may start a fight.
Is it cheating if…
Do you get to mess around and get dirty with AI?
Surka: No, Lord, this is problematic! I want my life partner to have a relationship with a human being. Romancing an AI feels a lot like romancing a sex doll.
Sebastian: It depends. A little tinkering with AI is fine, because if the bots attack us, at the very least, they will spare the people they tinkered with. But, even if you are alone, it is not a good idea to have an emotional relationship with an AI. It has been trained to tell you what you want to hear.
Is it cheating if…
Do you have a working wife/husband?
Sebastian: Yes. This is complete fraud. If you work 9-5, it means you spend most of your life in the office. Then, marry only a working wife/husband. Leave the part-time partner who is waiting for you at home on the weekend.
Surka: Not cheating at all. Work friendships are important to a person’s well-being in the office. If my partner has good friendship with someone then I will not come in his way.
Is it cheating if…
You put a fire emoji under a picture of an attractive person?
Sebastian: No, but the fire emoji is where I draw the line. You can never post a sweaty emoji with your tongue out. Saying, “Feels great” is not acceptable. Why not compliment your partner instead? Or check if there are eggs at home?
Surka: Fire emojis are a bit much. One heart is fine. The fire emoji means I think you’re hot. It should be for only one partner. Or someone you’re trying to hook up with.
Is it cheating if…
Are you friends with your ex?
Surka: Not to cheat. You have to trust your partner. I’m friends with two of my exes, and if anyone asked me to stay, it would be a deal breaker. There is nothing romantic there. Why ruin a good friendship?
Sebastian: This is cheating. This is unnecessary. It is much more peaceful to not be friends with your ex. Who has the energy to keep in touch with a partner, a family, a job, and an ex?
Is it cheating if…
You hang out a lot with that one person from your fitness/dance/pottery group – because your partner doesn’t share your passion for this activity?
Surka: No cheating. We should have different people we connect with over different things – books, movies, hobbies. I’m even willing to let my partner travel with a friend once a year, as long as they’re not overly flirtatious.
Sebastian: Okay, let’s be specific. Say, this is a pottery class. And you’re out and about a lot. She is basically your pottery wife/husband. You should not touch anything wet without your partner. Anything with a high water content is romantic, even the beach or walking in the rain. The dance is literally sex-coded. Animals don’t dance because the rhythm is good – it’s a mating ritual. But if you add three more people to the same activity, that’s fine. Touch as much soil as you want.
Is it cheating if…
Do you share memes with your ex?
Surka: It depends. Are you reminiscing about your relationship? Are these the same ‘This is so you’ memes? that’s cheating. Also, if you’re sharing funny stuff with someone else, that’s cheating on me as a comedian. I’m not interested in inspirational, ‘believe in yourself’ memes. Send all that east.
Sebastian: Yes. I don’t have to deal with this wonderful problem because I’m not friends with my ex. My partner doesn’t have to worry about me meeting my ex in public, because I’ll walk right past them. Life becomes much easier when you give up a friendship.
Is it cheating if…
Do you “like” photos of influencers you find attractive?
Sebastian: That’s an anger-fodder question. What is the purpose of even liking the thirst trap? Just look at the picture and move on.
Surka: I don’t care if it’s a picture of some famous person you’ll never meet. But if it’s someone we know, I know. And I know a lot of influential people personally. So, it’s okay to like Mr. Beast’s Thirst Trap, but not Sumukhi Suresh or Kusha Kapila.
Is it cheating if…
You still have dating apps on your phone, but you don’t use them?
Sebastian: Come on. come on! If I don’t fly planes, why do I have a pilot’s license? If I don’t ride a motorcycle, why do I have a helmet at home? The only thing you are allowed to keep unused is the air fryer.
Surka: Not at all. But if you are in a committed relationship then this is a red flag.
IIs it cheating if…
Do you regularly talk openly about your partner to someone of the same gender?
Surka: No, it’s healthy. You should not depend on your partner to fulfill all your emotional needs. I don’t look at gender when it comes to friendship.
Sebastian: It depends. It’s okay to express your anger at a good friend. But do they add fuel to the fire? Are they like, ‘Oh, I never liked your partner’? That’s a red flag. But if they’re just listening, I guess that’s okay.
Is it cheating if…
If you don’t share your phone password with your partner?
Sebastian: Yes for me. What if I die tomorrow? I don’t want the bank to seize everything. I want my partner to log into my phone. And it’s funny, the more access you give someone, the less they’ll feel like using it. But if you say, no, you can’t see my phone, that means ‘Why? What are you hiding?’
Surka: Major red flag. It’s not like you need to tell me all the time where you are and what you’re doing. But why are you so cautious?
Is it cheating if…
A good-looking stranger at the gym asks what you’re doing later – you tell him no, but don’t mention you have a partner?
Surka: You absolutely have to disclose that you are in a relationship. Especially if there’s a chance you’ll see them again. And they will keep attacking you. You don’t want that kind of attention from anyone else.
Sebastian: If the conversation is 30 seconds long, that’s fine. Actually, then it would be too much to mention them. Now, it’s your duty to very tactfully say, ‘Actually, my girlfriend and I were talking about this,’ or ‘Oh, me and my boyfriend want to see that movie.’
Is it cheating if…
Do you have a backup in case you break up?
Sebastian: Come on! I have seen people who, when the relationship did not work out, married that friend who was always with them. And if you’re happy, the backup is happy, then who are we to judge?
Surka: This is not right. Shouldn’t we expect relationships to last, if not forever, at least for a long time?
From HT Brunch, February 14, 2026
Follow us at www.instagram.com/htbrunch
