For many working moms, a typical day at a desk often carries an invisible emotional load. It’s not only about meetings, deadlines and household responsibilities, but also about the guilt of missing out on small moments with our children. A London-based Indian woman has opened up about the reality of how motherhood, work and life abroad has changed the way she looks at success, ambition and family.
Pooja Awana Chaudhary, a 34-year-old mother from Noida, Uttar Pradesh, lives in London with her husband and two-year-old son. Speaking to HT.com, Choudhary said that she moved to the UK in February 2020 to pursue a master’s degree after her marriage. She previously completed her B.Tech in Computer Science Engineering from GNIT Girls Institute of Technology in 2014 and later studied MSc in Digital Transformation in the UK.
Chaudhary currently works as a consultant in the market research industry and has been working professionally in the UK for almost five years. While she values her career and describes her workplace as flexible and supportive, she says the emotional side of being a working mother is often not visible to others.
9 to 5 routine with motherhood in between
Describing his typical workday, Chaudhary said that his morning usually starts at 6 am.
She said, “My company has a hybrid system, so most of the day I work from home, but in the life of a mother, working from home involves thousands of other tasks. Like you have to be responsible for the baby’s food and milk throughout the day, bathe him, put him to sleep, cook his own food and also manage the house.”
Unlike India, where many families get help from relatives or hired help, Choudhary said life is different in Britain. “There is no additional support in our house, it is me and my husband who manage everything. Even when I had my baby, it was my husband who took care of me and our baby as I went through a major surgery. My brother came from India for the initial 3 weeks, who was a huge support. And the postpartum journey was tough for me,” she said.
when mom is at work
Chaudhary said she mostly works from home, but some days she has to travel for client meetings. On those days, her husband takes leave from work to take care of their child and later makes up for it by working on Saturdays and Sundays.
She said that her husband plays an important role in taking care of the house and children. She said, “We share a lot of responsibilities, like morning baby responsibilities, which are handled by my husband, because he has a flexible work schedule and he can start his working day at 12 noon or 1 am. I get all the help in the morning with the baby, bathing him, while I make sure I prepare food and other things for the rest of the day.”
(Also read: Bengaluru mall’s special parking space for moms gets praise on the internet: ‘Very good concept’)
She added, “Most mornings when I have calls and I am busy, my husband also handles breakfast and all the kitchen responsibilities. On weekends, especially Saturdays, my husband is the king of the kitchen; he manages the entire day’s routine, while I spend my time with our baby and other household chores.”
The video that started the conversation
Chaudhary recently shared a video about waiting to see her child’s picture from someone else’s phone during a weekday. Explaining what inspired her to post it, she said that it came from an extremely personal feeling.
“I was sitting at my work desk, doing what I needed to do, but a part of my heart was somewhere else with my child. And I realized how many moms experience this every day. We wait for updates, photos, little glimpses of our kids from someone else’s phone, because we’re busy trying to earn, provide, pay the bills, and build a stable life for them,” she said.
She clarified that the video was not about blaming work or suggesting that mothers should not pursue careers. Instead, it was about showing the emotional side of working motherhood.
“It wasn’t about blaming work or saying moms shouldn’t have a career. It was about showing the emotional side that people don’t always see. The guilt. The missing out. You pretend to be OK in meetings when your mind is wondering what your child is doing. The weird feeling of seeing your child’s day through someone else’s camera,” she said.
Chaudhary said she shared the video because she knew many working mothers would relate to this sentiment. “If a working mom watched it and felt less lonely, then that video had a purpose. It started a bigger conversation about motherhood, work, money, and why so many moms are now looking for flexible ways to earn money without losing so much of their lives to their children,” she said.
There is fear in the minds of working mothers
For Chaudhary, one particular moment made her reflect deeply on the emotional challenges of being a working mother. His office is about an hour and forty minutes away from home. One day, while returning from work, a thought occurred to him that stayed with him.
“Yes, there was a moment that really stuck with me. My office is about 1 hour and 40 minutes away from home, and one day while returning from work, I suddenly thought: “What if something happens to my child while I’m in the office? How quickly could I reach him?” And the honest answer broke me a little bit because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get to that quickly,” she said.
She said that moment made her realize that working motherhood doesn’t just mean going to office and returning home. It is also about the constant worry, fear and guilt that lives in the background.
She said, “That moment made me realize how much emotional burden working mothers carry every day. It’s not just about going to work and coming home. It’s the constant worry in the background. The guilt. The fear of missing something important. The idea that your child might need you, and you’re miles away trying to do your job.”
(Also read: Indian tech couple divorces after wife refuses to leave high-paying job to take care of mother-in-law)
Chaudhary said this experience inspired him to think about creating something more flexible online. “This is one of the reasons I started thinking seriously about creating something more flexible online – not because I don’t value work, but because I wanted more options, more control, and the ability to be there for my child when he needs me,” she said.
Guilt about not spending enough time
Chaudhary said the guilt of not spending enough quality time with her child is something she experiences every day, especially when she drops him off at nursery. His son goes to nursery for four hours three days a week.
“Oh, this happens every day, especially when I drop my son off at nursery. He goes to nursery for 4 hours, 3 days a week. By the time he comes back, I am mentally exhausted because I have to prepare dinner and plan for the next day. He sleeps between 8 and 9 pm, and I am left with the guilt that I never get to spend quality time with him during the week.”
She said she often plans activities and learning time with her son, but finds it difficult to manage everything during the week. “I don’t get time to teach him a lot of the things I plan to do with him because I have so little time,” she said.
Motherhood changed her idea of success
Chaudhary said motherhood has completely changed the way she thinks about career, growth and priorities. Before becoming a mother, she mainly thought about professional stability and performing well at work. Now, she says success means something different.
“Yes, motherhood has completely changed the way I think about my career and priorities. Before becoming a mother, I thought primarily about career growth, stability, and performing well professionally. I still care about my work, and I still want to grow, but motherhood has made me look at success very differently,” she said.
Although she values her job, Choudhary said her child is her biggest priority now. “My career is still important to me and I love how my company has always been flexible with hours and work from home. I can’t thank my manager and other members of the company enough, plus my child has become my biggest priority. I want to take care of him, but I also want to be available for him. That balance is what made me think seriously about creating something more flexible with my job,” she said.
She said motherhood has made her more ambitious, but in a different way. “I no longer just want professional success. I want options. I want financial security. I want flexibility. I want to create a life where I don’t have to constantly choose between being a good employee and being a present mother,” she said.
What can workplaces do better?
Chaudhary believes workplaces are improving, especially in the UK, but there is still a need to deeply understand the realities faced by mothers with young children.
“I think workplaces are improving, especially in the UK; they understand a mother’s perspective and provide all the support, but many still don’t fully understand the reality of being a working mother,” she said.
She said that flexibility is the biggest support for mothers. “For moms with young children, flexibility makes the biggest difference – flexible hours, more options to work from home, understanding during nursery emergencies, and not making moms feel guilty when their baby needs them,” she said.
“Working mothers don’t want special treatment. We want trust, understanding, and the chance to do our jobs well without feeling like we’re failing our children,” Chaudhary said.
Living expenses and some savings
When Choudhary was asked about his salary range, he chose not to disclose the figure. However, he added that the cost of living and taxes are high in the UK, and it is difficult to save money, especially while supporting a family in India.
“I would leave it at that. But I would say that the cost of living and taxes are so high that we hardly save anything, especially since we financially support my husband’s family in India,” she said.
Despite the challenges, he said he currently feels his workplace is one of the most flexible workplaces he knows in the UK.
A message for working mothers
Chaudhary said she wants other working mothers to stop feeling like they are failing. She said emotional exhaustion, guilt and pressure are shared experiences, even though many women do not talk about them openly.
She added, “My message to other working moms is: Please don’t think you’re failing. If you’re tired, emotional, guilty, overwhelmed, or constantly trying to be everything to everyone, you are not alone.”
She added, “Being a working mother is not easy. You are trying to build a career, support your family, be there for your child, and still keep yourself together. It takes a lot of strength.”
(Also read: Woman who was fired twice makes powerful comeback after career break and motherhood: ‘I became my own boss’)
Chaudhary urged women to be kind to themselves. She said, “I would say give yourself grace. You’re doing a lot more than you realize. It’s emotionally and mentally draining at times. But hold down that fort because you’ll thank yourself for doing this one day.”
She also said that wanting flexibility doesn’t make a woman less ambitious. “And at the same time, it’s OK to want more flexibility, more support and more options. Wanting a life where you can provide for your family and be present for your child doesn’t make you less ambitious; it makes you human,” she said.
